Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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