I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize