They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
You made out with two different species that night
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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