k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
