I wish life had little blips of pornography
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
