Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I supernannyed him into submission
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
