Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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