I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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