When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
