I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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