Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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