Yo dont text me then not text me
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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