I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
