I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
