I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
