And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
