I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Four minutes until I can fart!
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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