I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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