you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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