Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
