chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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