my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
