First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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