apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
