NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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