i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
he was CRYING into my vagina
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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