Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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