so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
