You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
My vagina is officially offended.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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