she smelled like a LAN party
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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