I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Randomize