there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
