you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
