I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Houston, we have a blender
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
And then he peed in my hair
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