I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
