So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Randomize
