So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
