i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
