i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Your shirt... Was in my pants
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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