I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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