whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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