I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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