a queef is a wish your heart makes.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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