if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Randomize
