I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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