I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
whose parrot is this?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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