I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
so explain again why im purple
no
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
