How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I need to wash the frat house off of me
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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