I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
