Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I've blown a few things in my day
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
