I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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