even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
