Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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