3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
