I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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