So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Randomize
