he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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