He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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