you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize