What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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