Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
My dick has a subreddit
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Randomize
