That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Randomize
