Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
People in love make me want to vomit
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
