i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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