so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
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