Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
