its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
