So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Randomize
