if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
