i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
